“It is better to be alone than in bad company.”
— George Washington (and yes, it’s spelled with a G 😉)

Hello, wonderful people. Hope your week’s been solid.

Today’s question:
As an inmate, what’s the dumbest or most ridiculous thing you ever saw someone doing time for?

Let me tell you about this middle-aged dude out of some dusty West Texas town—fresh off the bus, wide-eyed, and yapping like he was getting paid by the word.

Now, this fella had a record. First DWI? Slap on the wrist. Probation. Nothing major. But the judge, oh man, he gave him one of those dramatic, Law & Order-style speeches:

“DO NOT ever let me see you in my courtroom again for drinking and driving.”

Ominous, right?

Fast-forward a couple years. Our man’s back at a bar. Sippin’. (Not drunk, of course—because nobody ever is when the cops show up.) He gets in his car, drives off… boom—red and blues in the rearview.

And what does he do?

Does he pull over and take his second slap on the wrist?

Nope.

His genius brain decides:

“Instead of a second DWI… let’s shoot at the cops and go out in a blaze of glory!”

I mean… my guy really chose Grand Theft Auto logic over real-life consequences.

This whole mess instantly reminded me of Will Ferrell in Talladega Nights—the scene where he thinks he’s on fire and runs around the racetrack in his drawers. Except this fool’s racetrack was the Texas highway, and instead of imaginary flames, he had very real bullets flying.

What should’ve been a state jail felony turned into a 50-year vacation to the Texas Department of Corrections.

In Texas, you usually don’t go to prison for DWI until your third or fourth offense—but guess what?
It only takes one shot at a cop to land you half a century behind bars.

And the saddest part?

I didn’t even have the heart to tell him that the judge’s “chilling warning” wasn’t some personal prophecy. Judges spit that same line from Dallas to Detroit, from Amarillo to Anchorage. Hell, they probably use it in other countries too.

But this guy? He took it personally. Like it was written just for him.

Just another day in the penitentiary.

— PORK DAWG